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February 22, 2016
The Dos and Don’ts of Divorce

There are certain events in life that take everything out of us and more. Divorce happens to be one of those events. During a divorce it can be hard to think straight and make rational choices. However, through this process it’s important to try and relax, consult your divorce attorney when possible, and remember these important dos and don’ts of divorce.

The Dos

Choose to be happy – Your relationship with your former spouse may have ended, but your life hasn’t. Divorce can often feel like a dark cloud following you around for months. It’s important to take time to find things that you love doing and that bring back joy into life.

Make time for the kids – While you may be busy and stressed out with your divorce case, realize your kids feel stressed out too. Kids are really perceptive and they will also pick up on your stress and take it on as their own. (See tip above.) Don’t forget to spend as much time with your children as possible during this adjustment. Things that seem small, like cooking dinner with them, meaningful conversation on the car ride home from school, or going to a movie can make a huge difference in helping them cope with their flood of emotions.

Find the right lawyer When looking for the right Carlsbad divorce lawyer you want to take into account their experience and knowledge with divorce cases. You will also be obligated to tell your attorney all of the details of your life, so it’s also important to find a lawyer who you like and wouldn’t mind working with throughout this process.

Begin to forgive your spouse Forgive is a big word, and just thinking about beginning to forgive is a good first step. It’s not easy, especially during a difficult time like a divorce. However, the best thing for yourself is to let go, forgive, and move on with your life. Holding resentment will only make you hurt more. If there are children involved, holding onto that resentment can also drastically interfere with co-parenting.

The Don’ts

Remain bitter – While being angry and hurt by your ex is normal during a divorce, if you remain bitter and hurt, they win. In addition, making any decision while emotional often leads to regret. So while resolving your divorce case, it’s best to move on from the anger, or at least be able to separate your anger from making decisions in your divorce so that you can make sound decisions.

Say Negative things in front of the kids – Divorce is a difficult time for the children. Saying negative things about your ex in front of the children can confuse them and force them to take sides. A divorce has nothing to do with your children, so keep them out of it as much as possible.

Act without thinking first – You may want to act quickly during a divorce, but you need to think about the consequences of your actions first. Don’t make decisions that you may regret because you had a momentary lapse in judgement.

Settle without your lawyer present When meeting with your ex to discuss an out of court settlement or for any other meeting, make sure you never agree to anything without consulting with your attorney first.

You will get through this difficult time. Keeping these dos and don’ts in mind throughout the divorce process will ensure the best outcome for you. If you have any questions, please email me at or call me at (760) 795-9123.

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